Does Money Ruin Relationships?

Anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows how important the money conversation can be – and how it can even put stress on the relationship. This can happen for various reasons – including loss of income, spending too much, or different attitudes toward money. Not to mention the way earning inequalities can lead to unease, resentment, and arguments.

Most people strive to make as much money as possible, so they can increase their standard of living, enjoy the finer things and have security and stability in their life. However, sometimes having a lot of money can be a curse and not a blessing, especially if your fortune interferes or ruins your relationship. If you are starting to earn big or if you are already earning big and concerned that the cash might send you to divorce court, or at very least to the therapist’s chair, here are some tips on how to make the money enhance, not detract from your relationship

1.  Make sure the foundation of your relationship is solid irrespective of your finances. Are you in love with each other? or with each others pocketbooks? If it’s the latter, this might be a warning sign.

2. Don’t make your relationship be about “keeping up with others relationship.” In this day and age, there is always going to be a better relationship, so try not to focus on them and focus on yourself, your own relationship and how to be the happiest you can be together without outside influences.

3. Don’t make your relationship be all about the money. Don’t give expensive gifts as a substitute for spending quality time together. Nice things are nice, but they are nicer if you do not feel alone on the inside.

4. Remember that little gestures feel more personal and thoughtful than grandiose, over the top things. If you can afford to charter a yacht and go on a moonlight cruise, go ahead and do that sometimes, but also remember to mix loving sweet gestures like bringing her her favorite candy bar, making her dinner (it’s the effort that counts) or getting her a greeting card for one thousand naira where you share your sentiment and your love.

5. Don’t lead with your money. No one likes a braggart and usually no one takes him or her seriously. Try to be modest and understated, you will get farther.

6. If you are single and dating and want the other person to love you for you and not for your checkbook, it’s simple, don’t flaunt your checkbook. You have plenty of time to spoil someone after you create a foundation for your relationship and after you are sure that this someone really cares about you.

7.       Incorporate some philanthropy into your life and into your relationship. It’s feels good to give back and to give to others who are not as fortunate as you are. This is something that the two of you can do together.

8.       Think about sharing the finances in your relationship. If one of you is the primary breadwinner and the other earns less or is a stay at home parent,  things can sometimes feel very lopsided. Perhaps there is a way for the non-breadwinning spouse to maintain a bank account with money that becomes their own so that they can dig into that account and do special things in kind for their significant other. There is something to be said for using your own money on someone else instead of on yourself only.

9.   Keep in mind that in this economy, money can come and go. We have all seen friends living large and then living in bankruptcy, so you need to make sure that your partner is in it with you for the long-haul, through thick and through thin.

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