There are a lot of misconceptions about sex and sexuality, particularly when it comes to women. Understandably, men might be confused.
Unfortunately, many men end up misinformed about how to please their female partners. As a counselor with close to 20 years of experience, I know that many women endure unsatisfying sex lives without speaking up. And, in fairness to all the great men out there, if women don’t start talking, how are men supposed to know what to do?
Sure, there are many great lovers out there and there are no rules that apply to everyone. Still, there are some basic ground rules that apply to most women. So, in the spirit of helping couples have better sex and better relationships, here are the top mistakes men make in bed and what they can do differently:
1. Assuming that women do not have the same sex drive as men. Don’t believe for a minute that women don’t like sex or want sex as much as men. While there are certainly individual differences with both genders, women love sex and want sex.
They just don’t want bad sex. So if your wife is turning you down, the first thing to ask is how can you make it better for her, not how you can get her to take better care of satisfying your sexual needs.
2. Heading straight for her genitals. A woman enjoys the pleasure of her entire body being touched and caressed. She enjoys being kissed and seduced. She especially enjoys feeling the anticipation of finally arriving “down there.” Take the time to work your way slowly down a woman’s entire body.
By the time you reach her clitoris, she will be in cloud 9. Don’t rush foreplay. Make sure you enjoy the journey as well; a woman knows when her man loves and appreciates every inch of her body. Nothing turns on a woman more than knowing her man is turned on by touching, caressing and kissing her everywhere!
3. Treating her clitoris like a penis. A woman’s body is different from that of a man. Don’t try to treat her genitals like you treat your own. Find out what kinds of touch feel best. Take your time so she does not feel rushed. Don’t move on to intercourse too quickly.
Most women enjoy orgasms via clitoral stimulation before vaginal penetration. Of course, that does not mean a woman can’t enjoy another orgasm during intercourse — but remember, every woman is different — some have vaginal orgasms and some don’t.
4. Beginning and ending foreplay as quickly as possible in the bedroom. Foreplay goes on 24/7 for a woman. The more attentive you are to her overall needs, the more connected she feels. The more connected she feels, the more responsive she will be to sexual advances.
So if your mate is tired from a long day and you are in the mood for sex, run a nice hot bath for her, put the kids to bed and I promise, that tired “leave me alone” mood will shift. Nurturing your woman is the best aphrodisiac you can find. Be a great partner to your mate and your mate will be a great lover in return.
5. Doing sex “your way.” Most men take the lead in sexual encounters. And for some, even when a woman does take the initiative to do sex differently (her way), she is redirected to how he wants it. Sometimes this can be a match and sometimes it is not. Don’t assume just because you saw a woman moan on a porn site that this is what your woman will enjoy.
Women don’t want to feel like they have to look and act like porn stars. They may love what you love and they may prefer something different. Women tend to have their own preferences on how they like to have sex. Make sure you find out what pleases your mate.
Let her run the show from time to time. Make sure her needs are being met. Create a safe space from which to try different things and create an intimate connection. Hot sex, tender sex and anything in-between is all great sex when it comes from a place of love and intimacy.