What is a husband or wife left to do when their spouse decides to walk away from the marriage?
Whether it is a broken husband or desperate wife with tears in their eyes, the questions are the same – What can I do? “He just doesn’t want to be married anymore”. “She just wants to move on with her life”.
There really are no magic wands to be waved or magic words to be spoken to make a person in this situation feel better. There is no real plan to heal a marriage when, really, only one of them is still emotionally in the marriage. There is no counseling for a husband if his wife doesn’t want to seek help. And there is little advice for a wife if her husband’s heart is somewhere else with someone else. There really is not much if anything that can be done to get them back. Except…
Time For You
When he or she has made a sudden turn away from you, what we are left with is, “self”. And what a broken “self” needs is spiritual healing and growth. This is the time, the best time, to recommit our life and entire self to our relationship with God!
I was sharing this with a friend not too long ago. He was sharing that because of being raised in the church he had a good grasp on all of the church cliches and Scriptures to spout out in times of trouble. But when life, through your marriage, really kicks you in the gut, we need more than cliches and quoted Scripture. What we really need is the truth of God’s Word. It is one thing to say, “The Lord is my Shepherd”. It is altogether different when your marriage reality puts your heart in a place of brokenness and you truly need to see the “shepherding” hand of the Lord.
At times of real struggle we need to be real about our relationship with God. It is not enough to simply believe “in” God, rather we have to believe God.
1. Where do I need to grow spiritually? None of us gets to a point of not needing to grow in our relationship with God. Ask yourself honestly, where do you need to grow in your understanding of God?
2. What needs to change about ME? In what ways does your perspective, attitude or approach need to change. At this point it doesn’t even matter what your spouse does or does not do, this is your time of change or self-improvement. Ask tough questions and let God give you tough answers.
3. How can I pray for my spouse? The hurt is real. But this is not about him or her. To be able to grow, start praying for your spouse. Our prayer is not for the things we see or know to be wrong about them. Rather, we pray for their peace, for their growth, for God to show them His plan for their life. Just pray for them and watch how God grows you.
4. Where do I see God at work in this? Remember what Grandma said, “What doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger”. It is easy to get excited about the things God does that make us smile and feel good. But, the tough stuff that He allows us to survive is for our good too! So, take a look, where do you see God’s hand in your life?